What Happy People Know

First of all, thank you to those of you who voted (and commented) on the fabric issue.  Cudos goes especially to Rebecca who really made me think about the REAL reasons why I might be taking on another project.  (If you want to know what I am talking about, read the comments from the last post).  Secondly, this entry is going to be a bit 'heavy' so if you aren't in the mood on this lovely long weekend... bookmark it for Monday's reading! 

Rebecca's comments have really made me think about things... Her last comment especially spoke to me (I might be focusing on being more of a human 'doing' instead of a human 'being').  Anyone who knows how perpetually busy I constantly am will probably back her up on this one!  It's not that I don't like to just 'be'... it's that I have a really hard time giving myself permission to do so.

I am currently reading a book entitled "What Happy People Know" by Dan Baker.  I found this book on a 'free' shelf in a library many moons ago.  I know, I know... you should never take a self-help book out of the 'discard' pile!!!  Well, I did, and I read it, but I apparently wasn't ready to hear the message back then because it didn't 'speak' to me in the slightest.  Having recently picked it back up again, it would be safe to say that I am certainly ready to hear the message now!  Anyway, one of the main themes of the book is looking at the fundamental qualities of happiness (love, appreciation, choice, etc.) as well as the polar opposite of happiness: which, according to Baker, is the state of fear.  Baker tells us that there are two fundamental fears in life: the fear of not having enough (which drives our consumer economy), and the fear of not being enough.  Personally, I feel like I have 'laughed in the face' of the first element of fear via this project, however it is the second fear that continues to haunt me. 

Now, I know what you're thinking, what they heck does this have to do with sewing?  Well, I have figured out that my reasons for wanting to sew are two-fold.  The first reason for wanting to sew is all about me.  I have always loved to create something from nothing... I find it so satisfying.  So, I think that this is a 'good' reason to sew.  The other reason (and here is my 'fear' rearing its ugly head) is that I am having issues with 'not being enough'.  Let me explain.  This morning, my husband and I were lying in bed chatting when he asked me what I missed most about buying new stuff.  I thought about it for a minute, and I honestly couldn't think of anything (not even Starbucks!).  I told him so (feeling secretly overjoyed), but a few minutes later, as we started the day, I started to mull his question over and over in my brain while I sipped my delicious (& cheap) cup of coffee...  Here is the conclusion that I have come to.  I have guilt.  Guilt over not being able (or I guess no longer willing) to buy my family and friends 'new' presents (which they inconveniently continue to do for me).  It is making me crazy!  Hence, the sewing, and wanting to buy fancy fabric.  I really want to be able to reciprocate the gifts that my friends and family are lavishing on me... Otherwise, I am left feeling 'cheap' and 'guilty' (aka, the fear of not being enough). 

Ironically, this whole damn thing started in part due to my abhorrence of extravagent gift-giving... and yet I apparently haven't been able to wrap my brain around this apparent catch-22. 

So, the bad news is that I still have ISSUES!  The good news though?  At least I know what they are!!!

“People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel”  - Irwin Federman
(Just keep telling myself that right?)

Marebare :)