In the face of fear...

Well, I did it.  For realsies.  And I even paid the $20 for the video to prove it.  You know, for my 'fans'...  Actually, I did receive a lot of supportive messages today and I sincerely appreciate it.  Also, you might be pleased to know (well, I am pleased anyway), that there was NO puke involved.  Okay, with no further ado... here it is... and hey, no judging people.
 

So, there you have it.  And yes, I screamed.  I screamed at the very top of my lungs... to God... hmmm... I wonder what that means?  Who do you scream to when you are scared out of your mind?  What do you do when you are faced with a deep/dark fear that you know darn-well is statistically irrational (statistics do not enter into your mind when you are 106 feet in the air by the way). 

Today was actually a good day, maybe even a great day.  Prior to said 'event', I was wondering what the big deal was about 'conquering one's fear' and why the heck I used to encourage people to do this for a living (yes, for real).  It seemed perfectly rational back then, but earlier today, I wasn't having any of it.  I mean, really?  You want me to do WHAT? 

After it was all said and done, I remembered... fear is important.  Facing your fear is even more important and conquering your fear?  Hell, that is almost as energetically good as winning the lottery.  If you can face a 'big' fear in your life, and WIN?  Heck, you can do ANYTHING.  At least I think so... I am booking a skydiving jump for this fall.  Who is coming?

PS: my jumping partner Justin 'killed it' by the way... no screaming.  And he even went HEAD FIRST!  Guy is a supastar!!!  xoxo

What does it all mean?

A few months ago, a 'friend' sent me a gift certificate to go bungee jumping.  Well, at least I thought of him as my friend, but then I was like, 'What kind of friend would think to himself, hey, I know just what Maren needs, to throw herself off a 100 foot tower...'

If I am being honest, I guess that I would have to admit that I am not totally innocent in all of this, because I did cooperate enough to send him my address, however it was during a moment of 'weakness'... a time when I was all 'It is what it is' and 'I am open to whatever the Universe brings me'.  Maybe it wasn't a time of weakness at all but instead a time of complete and utter lunacy.

Until yesterday, I truly thought that I had 'dodged the bullet' so to speak.  The gift certificate has an expiry date of June 30, 2011 and I will be honest, I was going to let the date slip by 'unnoticed'.  Unfortunately, (or fortunately, I'm not sure yet), the Universe also brought me a jumping companion who also happens to be the 'lucky' holder of a Bungee Jumping gift certificate with the same expiry date (again, if you are considering giving this as a 'gift' THINK ABOUT THE MESSAGE PEOPLE!).  Thanks to Justin, there was going to be nothing quiet about 'missing' the expiry date.  Soooo.... today is the day. 

Okay... I am going to go and throw up now... and try to come up with 'the message' of this whole experience... Your friends don't really like you?  Hurling yourself off buildings is fun?  Throwing up in public isn't really that humiliating? 

Oh man.  I just want to get this thing over with.

Today I'm Going to Try to Change the World... Are You?

I had the good fortune of attending the Slave Lake Benefit Concert at the River Cree Casino last night.  Prior to finding out that it was going to coincide with Game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs... I was stoked (no, not really much of a hockey fan - just a bandwagon-jumper!).  After watching the first period at the local pub, Trent and I had to tear ourselves away to drive over to the casino. 

My indecision fell away almost as soon as the concert began.  As Johnny Reid - one of Canada's Country Superstars, took the stage I jumped out of my seat with the rest of the 2,000+ crowd to give him a standing ovation.  And then the music started... as the first chords of the song, 'Today I'm Going to Try to Change the World' filled the room, emotion flooded my body and tears began to spill onto my cheeks.  Caught off guard, I took my seat and attempted to calm myself down so that I could remain fully present and 'take it all in'. 

I first heard this song last summer as I was driving out to Nordegg and had a similar reaction... not quite as powerful but I could feel the same 'tug' on my spirit.  As soon as I arrived, I downloaded it onto my phone and was blasting it for my family, telling them that I had finally found my 'theme song'.

Here are the lyrics:

Today I'm gonna try and change the world
Gonna take it one day at a time
I've made my resolution
I've opened up my eyes
Today I'm gonna try and change the world


I'm gonna say hello to my neighbor
Greet him with a smile
Shake the hand of a stranger
Sit and talk to him for a while
Tell someone I love them
From the bottom of my heart
Today I'm gonna try to change the world


Gonna make sure my children
Know right from wrong
Never turn my back
On those who need someone
Always gonna try to see myself
Through another's eyes
Today I'm gonna try to change the world


Today I'm gonna try and change the world
Not for me, but for those I'll leave behind
I've made my resolution
Change it one day at time
Today I'm gonna try and change the world

Sounds simple right?  It really is.  I believe that everyone is a gift.  In fact, I make it my intention (and personal mission) to walk around in the world and have interactions with people.  As another one of the performers last night pointed out, you can literally be changed by an encounter with another person and likewise, you can change someone's life for the better as well.  In recent months, this has been a profound realization for me and living this philosophy has truly has brought positive changes and people into my life. 

I recently read that it only takes the square root of 1% of a population to affect the collective consciousness... that is only 100 people in a group of one million.  As we saw after last night's hockey game in Vancouver (I am referring to the disgraceful rioting that followed - boy am I glad that I chose the concert instead of that boring game!), this theory can work both ways.  As such, this is both reassuring and scary!  Think about it, as long as people have the attitude that 'it's not my problem', no change will ever come.  Instead, I would suggest that we switch our mentality and follow Ghandi's advice 'Be the change you wish to see in the world'. 

Change starts with you... and even small changes can have a huge impact.

Marebare

PS.  For all of you Canadians, the benefit concert was filmed by CBC and will be aired tonight... check it out!!!

Trying to light, heck, to FIND my creative spirit

I like to think that I live with purpose... at least to the highest degree possible.   When the blog was a 'project' (and hence, had a purpose)... the words came freely, the topics jumped into my head and the entries flowed easily onto the screen.  Now that the 'project' is complete, the blog has ceased to fulfill a specific purpose and as such, the entries have been few and far between and to my way of thinking, lacking any real substance or 'spark' of enthusiasm.  Over the past months, I have had loyal readers encourage me to keep going, but as of yet, I have lacked the motivation to do so. 

Recently, (and oh so recurringly and in the funniest of ways), it has come to my attention that writing is widely considered a creative act: one that can be and is often engaged in just for the joy of doing so (gasp!).  To date, I have had little experience writing 'just for the heck of it', but it is becoming increasingly clear to me that it might be an important thing for me to do. 

With my disheveled, shocked, and still-slightly-comatose creative spirit in mind, it is with great pleasure that I offer you the reader: no promises about topics, content, substance, themes or even frequency of entries from here on.  I am truly going to commit to letting my creative mind/spirit 'run wild'... A scary notion for me (and likely for you) indeed, but it is on the edge of fear and discomfort you are able to GROW. 

Join me in this journey if you wish, adios and many thanks if you choose not to...

As always, I am happy to receive your thoughts and comments along the way and will do my best to reply...

To new beginnings,

Marebare