Stretched!

Have you ever stretched yourself?

No, I am not talking about yoga (for once), or warming up your muscles before a workout... I am talking about the kind of stretching that is required for personal growth.

To be stretched means to do something outside of your comfort zone...something that you have maybe done before.  Really, if you think about it, the first time you do anything (as an adult), it is going to be uncomfortable, especially if it involves other people witnessing your first attempt.  This would be a great topic for a later blog post, but for now I am going to argue that this stretching, this discomfort, is important.  It is essential.  Because it is through this willingness to stretch ourselves, to test our limits, that we discover more of our true selves.  What we are actually capable of when we don't allow fear to stand in the way.

You see, in order to grow, change, transform, we need to stretch (or be stretched).

I only ask because this past weekend was a bit of a stretch for me.

A while back, in November I think, I was asked to speak at a fundraising event that was to be held in February at the local theatre - Horizon Stage.  Horizon Stage is a beautiful venue... I know this because I have been involved in many a production there as a drama student in both junior and senior high.

Poster for the event

To be honest, when I was asked, I didn't give it much thought.  Could I speak?  Sure.  Lord knows I love to talk (ummm...okay so maybe that is the understatement of the year).  And speaking is something that fits well with 'the plan'...you know, that list of (not-so-far-off) dreams.

I should tell you that I am so the person who agrees to stuff readily without considering it that much.  In other words, I love to say yes, leaving myself to figure out the details later.  I probably don't have to tell you that this has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion...

So, I said yes.  And I didn't give it much thought until January rolled around.  Oh January.  My soul thanks you.  Thank you for the lessons that you invariably seem to bring forward.  Thank you for the opportunity to see yet an even deeper level of what I am 'working on'.  I know that you are a gift.

But the voice in my head?  It is so very, very Grateful that you have gone away for another 11 months. And this part of me celebrated your passing.  February 1 was a day of celebration in my life.  Nope.  That is an understatement.  I actually frolicked.  Seriously.

Erm.  Anyway.  As I was saying, I spent part of January trying to figure out 'the details' of my speech.  What was my intention?  What did I really want people to know/take away?  Was I sure that I could even do this?  Was I going to freak out?  Was I going to screw up?  What if I completely sucked?  And on and on and on...anxiety building as the date crept ever closer.

Saturday, February 2nd.  The big night was here.

And it was perfect.  Not that I was perfect (haha, hardly!) but the experience was perfect.  My dry mouth, my heart pounding in my chest, my shallow breathing.  Even my note to myself: Breathe.  Go slow.  Remember who you are (FLOW!)  Smile.  Have fun.  All of these feelings of discomfort, of uncertainty, paved the way to the actual experience.  Spotlight on, staring into a black hole, speaking to a silent room filled with 150 people.

And you know what?  It was fun.  And now I know that I can do this.  And I know that I like to do this.  And I want to do it again.

So the stretch?  Uncomfortable?  You bet.

But it was so very, very worth it.

Thank you for the opportunity Jillian Rutledge and the Mishah Ocean Foundation.

M. xoxo

The results are in (there's an opportunity in here somewhere...)

Recently I was over at Postpartum and Pigtails, a wonderful blog written by a mom and Postpartum survivor, and I was particularly inspired by this post about 'Things I'm Afraid to Tell You'.  Andrea's bravery and willingness to be unbelievably vulnerable has inspired me to 'come clean' about a few things that are currently present for me as well.

Two days ago, I admitted to the world that I had written a book and even entered it into a publishing contest.  I titled the post 'Coming out of the writing closet' because that is kind of how it felt.  It felt vulnerable to share this information because of the potential consequences (read: FEARS).  What if the book doesn't do very well in the contest?  What if it doesn't even make it into the finals?  What would become of the book?  What would become of the project?

Since I submitted the manuscript at the end of September, I have been wrestling with this fear of failure.  I told myself that if I didn't really tell anyone about the book, it wouldn't really matter if it didn't do well in the contest.  For the most part, this worked, I was able to push the book and the contest from my mind and go about my business.  Then, for whatever reason, I woke up on Monday and decided to post about the book and the contest both on my Facebook page and on this blog, praying that the Universe would have my back on this one and 'reward' my bravery and vulnerability.

The Universe has my back alright, starting with the fact that I didn't need to wait until Friday (as expected) to find out if FIERCE Integrity made it into the finals.  I will save you the suspense.  It didn't.

And yet I know that all is well.  Everything is working out for the best.  And that in this situation there lies an opportunity.

To be honest, I don't know what I will do with the book.  I need to spend some time with it and check-in with my intentions for it.

Right now, I think the opportunity here is to love myself more.  To show myself more compassion than I have ever been able to show myself before.  

So, while there is a voice inside of me that feels less than or lacking, that feels it is 'not enough', there is also a voice inside of me that KNOWS it's not true.

TRUTH: I tried my best.  I literally could not do any more than I did.  And it is enough.  I am enough.

And for the record: this is what living with FIERCE Integrity is all about.

Much love,
MareBare

PS, I am pretty sure that Bungee Jumping was easier than all of this.  If you missed that video and you need a laugh, check it out.

Evolution

I looked down at myself today, not at my body, but at my 'me-ness'.  I took a long hard look at what it is that makes me who I am.

I am changed.  Life has changed me.  I am no longer the me who I used to be.  Actually, it would be more accurate to say that in fact I am more of me than ever before.  More whole.

I had a chat with a friend today about control.  Needing to control life and the events that come our way.  I hate to break it to you, but control is a complete illusion.  An idea that we have manifested in order to bury our fear.  Our fear of being out of control.  Our fear of being afloat on a sea of chaos.

A lot of the changes that I have made in my life, both unconsciously and consciously, have been to let go of these fears.  To release the illusion that I am in control.  To allow it to be what it needs to be.

It is difficult to put into words how profound of an impact this process has had on my life.  I have been chipping away at this fear-based belief system from which I used to see the world.  Somehow, somewhere along the way, all of these small changes converged, resulting in a big change.  An irreversible change.  Transcendence.  I am no longer the me that I used to be.

How do I know this?  By being brave enough to peer into the mirrors of those around me.  Everyone that you surround yourself with is a reflection of who you are.  When I look around with me honestly and with Integrity, and with an open heart, I can't help myself from grinning like a fool when I think back to how far I have come.

And I love it.  All of it.  This journey through life is truly and utterly amazing.  It is so filled with GRACE.  And there are always more changes ahead, more lessons to learn.  This is what it means to evolve.

Bring it.

Much love from my open heart to yours,

MareBare

2012: Year of the Dragon - We're Halfway!

What a whirlwind the past few months of been.  It has been a time of great change in my life.  A time of great transformation.

On some level, I must have seen this coming.  Back in November 2011, I wrote a post called 'The Winds of Change are Blowing'.  Um, ya think?!  And I didn't even know the half of it back then!  Blow they did and they just keep on blowing!  Actually, somedays I feel as though I am living in a hurricane!  I take great comfort in knowing that at the centre of the hurricane lies a space of calm and peace - the 'eye' of the storm if you will.  I have experienced both elements of this 'storm' over the past 6 months, both the fury and power of living in the vortex and the stillness that lies within its core.

Can you relate?

Back in March of 2010, before any of these changes became so apparent, I wrote a post about 2012 - and the 'End of the World as we Know it'.  I really have to laugh when I look back on my relationship with this concept.  10 years ago, I was gripped with fear about the state of our world and where I felt we were headed.  2 years ago when I wrote this post, I can see that the lightbulb was coming on and my awareness had started shifting away from fear and now today, I am living in that time period that I once feared so deeply.  From the eye of the storm, I am watching the shift that is taking place in all three realms of my consciousness: body, mind and soul. And let me tell you, is it ever cool!  What a gift to be alive in this time of great change on our planet!

So here we are, about halfway through the year 2012, the year of the Dragon (a Water Dragon to be more specific).  Ironically (not really though), in Chinese mythology the Dragon is a symbol of transformation.   There is that word again.  Transformation.  Have you ever sat with that word and fully considered what it means?

To be transformed literally means to change forms.  It is to be FOREVER CHANGED.  In other words, there is no turning back.

This past weekend I was blessed with the tremendous privilege of participating in the Wise Woman Solstice retreat in Nordegg, AB, as part of the Essential Life Series.  Led by (and including) the amazing healer Sarah Salter Kelly, eight women came together to hold sacred space for one another in order to facilitate personal transformation.  True to form, we were blessed by both of the Water Dragon's elements: water and fire to assist us in this process.  And yes, I am forever changed.

This experience helped me to release some things that were no longer serving me, creating space for something new to arise.  It gave me a glimpse of what is next on my journey.  But more than anything, it re-affirmed the importance of simply being me.

Being me in the face of fear.  Being me despite the risk of it being uncomfortable for me or someone else.  Being me because it is simply too much work to try to be anything else.

This is what the FIERCE Integrity Project is all about.  It is about getting at the truth of who you really are, and then deciding moment to moment to live from that place of your truth.  This space of truth is the eye of the storm.  This is the place of peace that exists within all of us.  And in this time of great transformation, the time is now.  The getting is GOOD!  You get to decide if you would like to get caught up in the fury of the storm, or find the centre and hold on.

How are you going to ride out the storm?

Much love to you on this amazing journey,

MareBare

The winds of change are blowing...

I think that I've talked about this before... in fact, I know that I did.  I wrote about people changing (and argued that they do, and that I did).  Now I am going to write about the other side of the coin so-to-speak, the part where we, humans, society, (or what have you) aren't always open to change.  In fact, that is putting it lightly.  People (or so it would appear to me) generally abhor change.

But why?  What is it about change that makes us crazy?  I changed my blog formatting for example (and I will totally admit that it is making me uncomfortable).  It is something simple and in the big scheme of things not at all important, and yet, discomfort, uncertainty, and maybe even some anxiety are creeping in.  Now magnify that by about a billion and we are getting to the heart of it.  Change in people's lives is a HUGE deal.  Change at work, change at home, change in your relationships, change in the economy, change on a GLOBAL scale.  And I hate to break it to you, but the changes are just going to keep coming, faster and more 'furious' than ever before. 

So how do we cope with all of this change?  Well, the first thing I am going to say is that to resist change is futile (more about futility, I know!)  Resisting isn't going to stop the inevitable and in fact will only delay your acceptance of it, leaving you 'behind the 8 ball' as you attempt to reconcile the change(s) once you have finally accepted them.

If we aren't resisting change, what are we doing then?  The feelings I described above are real... they exist and I would even say they are warranted.  I am not saying 'don't feel that way' or 'suck it up princess' or 'would you like some cheese to go with that whine' (or any other silly cliche for that matter).  What I am trying to get at is how do we acknowledge those feelings and then move beyond them. 

This is the part where I have you waiting on the edge of your seat right?  You are fully expecting me to have the answer and share it with you, yes? 

The truth is, I am still trying to sort it out myself.  I feel like saying, 'All that I know for sure is that I don't know' (!).  Not helpful, I know.  But I guess it begins with awareness and 'shedding light' on the situation. 

Here is what I am proposing... the next time that you see the above sign (metaphorically people, stay with me!), I would encourage you to follow these principles:

1. Don't hit the panic button!  And I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about!  Another way to think of this step is to BLINK AND BREATHE!  Pause, delay, in orther words do whatever it takes to 'stall' your instinctive reaction (it's just your ego rearing its ugly head).  Stalling will allow you the time to get into your heart instead - where your intuition lives...
2. Notice, shine the light on, bring awareness to what is coming up for you: what emotions are you feeling and where do you feel them in your body.  Now here is the tricky part... You actually need to feel them... breathe into them.  A wise friend of mine helped me to see that during this step walking outside and being in nature helps.  The physical movement actually helps to move those emotions through and out of the body.  Sounds simple (and obvious) but it works!  Even better if you can do this with a great friend who will listen to you but not enable you to stay in those feelings for too long.
3. Now that you have acknowledged and released the feelings and emotions associated with the 'change' that you are fearing, you should feel lighter... like there is now some 'space' in the body/mind to look at the situation in a new way.  Now you are ready to allow the change... and yes, even accept it.

 

The winds of change are eternally blowing, and yes, the wind might even be picking up in your corner of the world.  The choice is yours, continue to resist or figure out how to integrate, accept and maybe even thrive on change. 

I know what I'm picking, do you?

Marebare

In the face of fear...

Well, I did it.  For realsies.  And I even paid the $20 for the video to prove it.  You know, for my 'fans'...  Actually, I did receive a lot of supportive messages today and I sincerely appreciate it.  Also, you might be pleased to know (well, I am pleased anyway), that there was NO puke involved.  Okay, with no further ado... here it is... and hey, no judging people.
 

So, there you have it.  And yes, I screamed.  I screamed at the very top of my lungs... to God... hmmm... I wonder what that means?  Who do you scream to when you are scared out of your mind?  What do you do when you are faced with a deep/dark fear that you know darn-well is statistically irrational (statistics do not enter into your mind when you are 106 feet in the air by the way). 

Today was actually a good day, maybe even a great day.  Prior to said 'event', I was wondering what the big deal was about 'conquering one's fear' and why the heck I used to encourage people to do this for a living (yes, for real).  It seemed perfectly rational back then, but earlier today, I wasn't having any of it.  I mean, really?  You want me to do WHAT? 

After it was all said and done, I remembered... fear is important.  Facing your fear is even more important and conquering your fear?  Hell, that is almost as energetically good as winning the lottery.  If you can face a 'big' fear in your life, and WIN?  Heck, you can do ANYTHING.  At least I think so... I am booking a skydiving jump for this fall.  Who is coming?

PS: my jumping partner Justin 'killed it' by the way... no screaming.  And he even went HEAD FIRST!  Guy is a supastar!!!  xoxo

What does it all mean?

A few months ago, a 'friend' sent me a gift certificate to go bungee jumping.  Well, at least I thought of him as my friend, but then I was like, 'What kind of friend would think to himself, hey, I know just what Maren needs, to throw herself off a 100 foot tower...'

If I am being honest, I guess that I would have to admit that I am not totally innocent in all of this, because I did cooperate enough to send him my address, however it was during a moment of 'weakness'... a time when I was all 'It is what it is' and 'I am open to whatever the Universe brings me'.  Maybe it wasn't a time of weakness at all but instead a time of complete and utter lunacy.

Until yesterday, I truly thought that I had 'dodged the bullet' so to speak.  The gift certificate has an expiry date of June 30, 2011 and I will be honest, I was going to let the date slip by 'unnoticed'.  Unfortunately, (or fortunately, I'm not sure yet), the Universe also brought me a jumping companion who also happens to be the 'lucky' holder of a Bungee Jumping gift certificate with the same expiry date (again, if you are considering giving this as a 'gift' THINK ABOUT THE MESSAGE PEOPLE!).  Thanks to Justin, there was going to be nothing quiet about 'missing' the expiry date.  Soooo.... today is the day. 

Okay... I am going to go and throw up now... and try to come up with 'the message' of this whole experience... Your friends don't really like you?  Hurling yourself off buildings is fun?  Throwing up in public isn't really that humiliating? 

Oh man.  I just want to get this thing over with.

"It's the end of the World as we know it..."

For anyone who has heard the above upbeat song by Great Big Sea, you will know that the song continues with, "...and I feel fine".  The 'end of the world' is today's theme, as I recently watched the movie 2012.  You know, the really cheezy, overdone, ridiculously unrealistic, fear-mongering movie that predicts that end of the Mayan Calendar on December 21, 2012 will bring along with it the cataclysmic destruction of our planet?! 

Here is where I will admit something to you.  A few years ago, this movie would have sent me into a pit of fear, despair and worry about the 'what ifs' of the future.  Having read about some of the things that we've done to our planet of late (and continue to do to it), often still makes me wonder what the long term consequences of these actions will be (aside from those we are already experiencing).  Nowadays, I can think a little more clearly, and I tend to try to only worry about the things that I can control, in other words, my own actions.  Anyway, out of curiousity, I did a little bit of reading on the Mayan prophecy.  

Here is what one article had to say on the topic:

It is said that the world we are ending is the one that is dominated by materialism and ego consciousness, therefore it may be that the world to follow will be founded on different values that honor the spirit of the interdependence of all of life.

Wouldn't that be nice?!

Also in the same article, Carlos Barrios, from the Eagle Clan of the Mam Maya of Guatemala shares this in regards to 2012:

"The world will not end. It will be transformed... Everything will change...Change is accelerating now, and it will continue to accelerate...If the people of the earth can get to this 2012 date in good shape, without having destroyed too much of the Earth, we will rise to a new, higher level. But to get there we must transform enormously powerful forces that seek to block the way...Humanity will continue, but in a different way. Material structures will change. From this we will have the opportunity to be more human..."

It seems that we are approaching an important time in humanity, but instead of fearing it, we should be taking this time to re-evaluate who we are as people, communities, cultures, and nations.  When I started this project, it became very clear to me early on that there are many, many like-minded people out there who share some of my beliefs and values.  I have found this so encouraging.  It is wonderful to know that I am not alone in my efforts to 'be the change'. 

"Everything depends on how conscious we can become as a species, and how we all contribute to this process of awakening our human potential." (Quote taken from same article as above on March 9, 2010)

Don't be scared of the future, decide what you want it to look like and do something about it!
Marebare :)
(Photo: Taken by Maren Hasse, Tikal Guatemala 2004)