Recently I was over at Postpartum and Pigtails, a wonderful blog written by a mom and Postpartum survivor, and I was particularly inspired by this post about 'Things I'm Afraid to Tell You'. Andrea's bravery and willingness to be unbelievably vulnerable has inspired me to 'come clean' about a few things that are currently present for me as well.
Two days ago, I admitted to the world that I had written a book and even entered it into a publishing contest. I titled the post 'Coming out of the writing closet' because that is kind of how it felt. It felt vulnerable to share this information because of the potential consequences (read: FEARS). What if the book doesn't do very well in the contest? What if it doesn't even make it into the finals? What would become of the book? What would become of the project?
Since I submitted the manuscript at the end of September, I have been wrestling with this fear of failure. I told myself that if I didn't really tell anyone about the book, it wouldn't really matter if it didn't do well in the contest. For the most part, this worked, I was able to push the book and the contest from my mind and go about my business. Then, for whatever reason, I woke up on Monday and decided to post about the book and the contest both on my Facebook page and on this blog, praying that the Universe would have my back on this one and 'reward' my bravery and vulnerability.
The Universe has my back alright, starting with the fact that I didn't need to wait until Friday (as expected) to find out if FIERCE Integrity made it into the finals. I will save you the suspense. It didn't.
And yet I know that all is well. Everything is working out for the best. And that in this situation there lies an opportunity.
To be honest, I don't know what I will do with the book. I need to spend some time with it and check-in with my intentions for it.
Right now, I think the opportunity here is to love myself more. To show myself more compassion than I have ever been able to show myself before.
So, while there is a voice inside of me that feels less than or lacking, that feels it is 'not enough', there is also a voice inside of me that KNOWS it's not true.
TRUTH: I tried my best. I literally could not do any more than I did. And it is enough. I am enough.
And for the record: this is what living with FIERCE Integrity is all about.
Much love,
MareBare
PS, I am pretty sure that Bungee Jumping was easier than all of this. If you missed that video and you need a laugh, check it out.
As you always say, "Things are perfect"...and that certainly applies to you. You have no idea about the degree of pride and love we have for you. No disappointment ever...well maybe when there isn't a lot of meat for supper. Hahaha!!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing human being MareBare and we love you with all of our hearts - so proud to be your mom and dad :)
love you
Congratulations, writing anything that could be published is a great accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteYou now have your foot upon the path, everything from this point on is an adventure!
Keep writing, we're reading!!
Congratulations on your book, Maren!! You are an amazing person and I am lucky to know you and have your positive nature in my life! You have a heart of gold, beautiful strength and determination. Keep on writing!
ReplyDeleteSo happy that I found your blog!! You seem to have such a positive attitude & I look forward to reading more on here! And thank you so much for all of your kind words :)
ReplyDeleteI have heard from sooo many writers that they were "turned" down many, many times until that one time they got that yes. I believe that will happen for you too. I also struggle with the fear of failure & sometimes I let it get the best of me & won't do things because of it. I am working hard on changing that. I am so glad that you didn't let your fear stop you. That is something to be very proud of :)
I agree with the comment above-this is an amazing accomplishment to write a book!! You will get there, don't ever give up, & keep writing!!
It looks like you offer a Fierce Integrity class? I am going to check it out & hopefully participate in it soon!
Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. Today I have had some time and space to reflect and connect. Considering my options and my intentions for FIERCE Integrity. It really feels like it still needs to be put forward, just figuring out the how.
ReplyDeleteThanks for listening...
xo M.
Having been on the other side of this equation in the music world, I know that there are SOOOO many factors that go into decisions about which pieces to produce, and very few of them have anything to do with the talent of the artist, so I hope you don't take this "rejection" to heart, and pleeeeasse don't take it as some sort of indictment about the book or your writing skills.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, they're trying to make money. Period. And what they think they can sell has much more to do with the current popularity of various topics, the things their distributors are looking for, the other books & authors they already have in their inventory and, yes, the personal taste of the person making the decisions.
I, for one, am looking forward to reading Fierce Integrity in whatever form you eventually decide to put the ideas forward!
xoxoxo
Thanks for the encouraging comment ECL - I will keep you in the loop :) xo
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