I haven't been avoiding you, I promise (another update)

Y'all (I do not know why, but I have been DYING to say Y'all lately)

Ahem.

So, y'all are probably wondering where the heck I have been?

As you know, I have several 'irons in the fire' so-to-speak.

FIRST:

The website: www.marenhasse.com -- it is live but not populated yet.  I am currently writing content for that and looking for TESTIMONIALS.  If you feel called to send me one.  I will love you forever.  No really, I will.

SECOND:

The book, FIERCE Integrity: A Course in Living Your Truth.  IT'S COMING!  I have been working on some reader give-aways: guided meditations, extra audio talks.  I have been looking at cover designs and reviewing the manuscript (again and again) to make sure we get it right.  It looks AWESOME!  You guys are going to love it!

THIRD:

I have been COLLABORATING with the inimitable Sarah Salter Kelly to bring you Snakes and Ladders: An Authentic Woman's Adventure.  Registration is now open, deadline for early bird registration is June 1st!

FOURTH:

I have started a new Facebook community: join the fun HERE

FIFTH:

I have been publishing on Elephant Journal.  Click below to see what I've been up to over there.

Loving My Inner Child, Even When She Misbehaves

How Facebook Turned Me into a Science Experiment


As you know, when the new site is populate this one will be coming down.  I plan on creating an e-book on this "MareBare Necessities" experience.

Finally, join my list of subscribers if you don't want to miss a thing:

http://forms.aweber.com/form/46/1912549446.htm


xoxo
Maren

It's SPRING! No really...It is!

Here is what I have been up to in order to ring in the season:

And yes, I know that I am completely ridiculous.

And I am totally ok with it.

How are you ringing in the Spring?

Did you know that you get to create what you want?

Check out my Newsletter to see what I mean...

Happy Spring everyone!

xo M.

Post 2 of 6: Dieting is for Dodo Birds.

Yesterday we talked about the word discipline and how we were going to attempt to turn around its bad reputation.

Today I want to talk about the first item on my list:

Be even more disciplined with my food. 

I would love to know how many people wrote down a similar resolution this past New Year's?  You know what I am talking about..."Lose 15, 20, 50 pounds this year"..."Stick to my Paleo diet"..."No more snacks after dinner"...etc.

And if that was you, don't worry, I can relate.  After high school (while recovering from the binging-purging behaviors that come with bulimia), I put on about 50 pounds.  For most of my 20's I weighed a good 20-40 pounds more than I do now.  And I was so unhappy with my body.  If I loathed myself while I was skinny and bulimic, just imagine how I felt about my body when it was "fat".  So for all of you who hold similar beliefs about your body, I can empathize.  (In case you missed it - you can read more on the body image topic here).

Every New Years during that time (and frankly, every other week), I would desperately try to problem-solve my way out of this dilemma.  I tried the SouthBeach diet, the Bloodtype diet, the GI diet, the Body for Life diet, I gave up wheat, I gave up meat, I gave up dairy, I tried weight watchers...nothing worked.  At least, not over the long term.

Now, I need to clarify something here.  There is nothing wrong with any of those eating plans/diets/lifestyles.  Most of them encourage you to eat better, get more exercise, and generally take better care of yourself, which are all good ideas.  

For me, the missing part of the equation, the thing that was guaranteeing my failure each time, was the voice in my head.

You see, each time I embarked on another diet, I did it with this as my mantra, "I am so fat.  If I could just lose x lbs, I would be so much happier".  Hmmmm....do you see the problem here?

Maybe you do (and if so, great), but if not, consider this: our thoughts create our reality.  Meaning, my thought, "I am so fat", was true because I believed it.  I was telling myself that "fact" all day.  And each time I put food in my mouth, I did it from this point of view.  Food was the enemy, food was making me fat.  Woah...talk about giving all of my power away!

Now, if you have done the FIERCE Integrity e-Course, you know how I turned this around.  Actually, it's in my upcoming book too, but I will give you a hint.

In order for my body to change, I had to change my thoughts about it.

The voice had to become more loving, more accepting, more kind.  My relationship with food had to change too.  I had to stop using food as an opportunity to punish, and instead use it as an opportunity to nourish.

Because of this inner work, my self-discipline resolution around food is radically different today than it was back then.

Today, it involves:

1. Eating with more awareness, more reverence, more Gratitude.
2. Being very present when I cook.
3. Being very intentional in planning our meals -- I have been very successful with this one.  I told you about my vegetable mission a la Jessica Seinfeld.  Every Sunday, I spend 1-2 hours planning our meals -- I have been using a program called Plan to Eat and it is amazing!  I puree the veggies we need, make a week's worth of sweet potatoes/whole grain waffles for the freezer (simply pop them in the toaster to re-heat and my son LOVES them!), and basically figure out my life for the week.  Gone are the days when I get home at 530 (or 700!) and wonder what the heck I'm going to make for supper.  The result?  We have less food waste AND we spend less money.

Can you see how planning, cooking and eating would look very different if done in this way?

Can you use food as a means to love yourself more deeply instead of punish yourself more fervently?

Post 1 of 6: Self-Discipline - And It's NOT What You Think!

At the start of our new calendar year, 2013, I blogged about New Year's traditions/resolutions. I talked about how I love new beginnings, starting fresh, etc.

Yesterday marked another New Beginning, Chinese New Year, this year marking the Year of the Snake.

Last year, the year of the Dragon, was all about Transformation.  Think of it like a caterpillar going into its chrysalis.  If we embrace(d) the energy that was available, this is what is/was possible.  A COMPLETE CHANGE OF FORM!!!  Kind of cool to think about, don't you think?

This year, courtesy of that powerful serpent energy, is all about shedding.  It is about emerging from the chrysalis.  It is about letting go of what needs to be left behind: your old stories, your old habits, and emerging as your 'new self'.  I like to think of this as being more YOU than you had ever dared to be before.  It isn't about being someone who you think you should be, it is about being brave enough to show the world the REAL YOU.

Are you with me?

Ok, so being the very intentional being that I am (or am aspiring to be), I made a 'plan' for this emergence, this re-birth if you will.  How was I going to show up this year?  How could I get in touch with and then stand forward in an even deeper, truer version of myself?  

In that first post of 2013, I told you about how one of my intentions was to try to 'get bored'.  To do less.  To simple 'be' more often.

How am I doing on that?  Well, to be honest, it has been a struggle.  I am learning though, and this intention stays with me, on most days anyways.  Learning to simply allow myself to be is really challenging for me.  It is learning to embrace that 'contraction' part of the cycle of co-creation.

Something that I neglected to tell you about my New Year's list and traditions is that I also like to pick a word each year.  A word, much like an intention or a mantra, can be used to ground my experience.  To help shape me.  To help me receive.  To help me Serve.

My word this year was discipline.

Now, before you quickly jump to conclusions and perhaps even exit this post, let me clarify something.

The word discipline has a really bad rap.  Typically, when people think of this word, especially when used in conjunction with New Year's resolutions, they are thinking about it in terms of its harshness.  It is often associated with holding oneself to strict standards, and followed up with punishment if there is perceived failure.

This is not the kind of discipline that I am talking about.  I am using this word with the intention of loving myself more deeply, not punish myself.

When I wrote the word discipline down in my journal, around it are 5 principles or ideas:

1. Be even more disciplined with my food.

2. Be more disciplined with my belongings.

3. Be more disciplined with my practice.

4. Be more disciplined with the voice in my head.

5. Be more disciplined with my consumption.

I started off writing this post with the intention of expanding on all of them and going into more detail, but holy, that would make for a long post.  Instead, I thought it would be more fun to expand on each one of them - making a series of blog posts instead.

If you are interested, stick around, and check back often - 5 more posts will follow to round out the series.  Also, feel free to throw your ideas/two cents in.  Let's get this conversation started!

PS - a lot of these are FIERCE Integrity topics!

Much love,

Maren

What is true today.

Sometimes I am so sick of myself.

Ironic, because I woke up with a desire to write down "Things that I Love about Me"...only to find that Louise Hay posted a similar idea on Facebook this morning.  Now, I am a supreme lover of all things involving synchronicity, but the truth is, today I am not feeling it.

This morning, as I started to make my list, the one thing that came forward was "I love how quickly I can get ready in the morning".  Seriously.  I have mad skills.  I can shower, dress, blow dry and style my hair, moisturize and do my makeup in 15 minutes.  I think that is even faster than Trent.  So yeah, I like that about me.

I can celebrate this small win today, but as for the rest of that list?  It will have to wait until another day.

This journey that I am on, this path that I have chosen, has involved a ton of self-reflection.  I have referred to it as a "journey inwards" and "the path to self-awareness".  Don't get me wrong, it has been an amazing ride, and a wonderful experience, but today?  Today I am so over it.

Today I find that I am tired of analyzing, reflecting, and observing.  I am tired of aspiring, thinking, and growing.

Frankly, I just want to stick my head in the sand for a while.  I simply want to BE.

And maybe I am not supposed to say these things...in fact, I have consciously avoided ever putting anything negative on this blog.  I have been avoiding the truth.  The truth is, sometimes I don't feel like doing "my work".  Sometimes I want to pretend that there isn't any "work" to be done.

And maybe that's ok.  I have had days (haha, ok, weeks) like this before.  Where I wanted to simply step off the road momentarily and take a break.  For some reason, I always seem to get back on, and I am sure that this "break" is no exception.

Now, after re-reading what I just wrote, I have to laugh, because it is actually "work-related".  What I wrote here is truth-based.  And today, I guess that I am willing to go there; to speak a truth that isn't all gushy and rose-colored.

So yeah.  That is what is happening today.

M.

Intentional Lying... this is what is has come down to!

I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath...

Holy SH$T!  He went for it!!!  My son, actually ate it.  And liked it.  It felt like a dream come true.  Like I had won the lottery.

*Disclaimer*
You very well might judge me for what you are about to read...

When Chephren was little he would eat everything.  And I mean everything.  He had an insatiable appetite.

Cute little dude, wasn't he?

And then he turned two.  And he discovered that his locus of control didn't lie entirely outside of himself...  And man did he take that realization to heart... and he continues to until this day!

Now there are some wonderful things about raising a child who is so strong-willed... I think.  There must be.  Hmmm... I guess that I will have to get back to you on this one.

The point being, if Chephren sees some way/shape/form that he can exert some control over his environment, he takes it.  Since the age of two, food has become one of his primary targets.

To say that his dietary preferences are extremely limited is an understatement.  Does he eat fruits/veggies?  Sure.  About 4 different varieties of them.  Seriously.

Remember this?  Hiding veggies under the couch.

As you may/may not recall... I am a vegetarian.  I prepare/consume around 10-15 different varieties of fruits/vegetables myself... daily.  To say that this behaviour of my son's pushes my buttons is also a very large understatement.

Playing with the contents of my Organic Box :)

Until now, I would have said that I had tried EVERYTHING to sort this thing out...  I have tried to take him shopping with me and choose which fruits/veggies he will eat.  I have found and read him children's books about the importance of healthy eating.  I have downloaded apps on the iPad that relate to healthy eating.  I have modelled (and continued to model) the behaviour that I desire to see instead.  In times of desperation, I have even tried to bribe and/or punish him to get him to eat his vegetables.

I know, I know.  This is an age-old (and first world) problem.

Quite a while back, I had heard about Jessica Seinfeld's approach (hiding pureed fruits/veggies in your child's favourite dishes, including treats) from a friend of mine.  I had considered it then but decided that I didn't want to deceive Chephren.  I wanted him to develop a taste for healthy food that would set the stage for a lifetime of healthy eating.

On the one hand, I tell myself that maybe I should let it go and not worry so much.  After all, at his last yearly check-up, it was confirmed for me that he continues to do very well in terms of his development.  He is (and always has been) in the 95th percentile for height and weight, and is reaching or exceeding all of his developmental milestones.  On the other hand, he is currently battling his FOURTH illness of this nasty cold/flu season.  I have him on multi-vitamins and yet, I have to question if he would be more resilient to illness if he ate better.

Extremely frustrated with this last bout of illness (and currently sleep deprived, so maybe not thinking clearly), I have decided to try the Jessica Seinfeld plan.

The first recipe I tried was one for carrot-cake cupcakes.  In the batch of 12 there was a full 1.5 cups of pureed veggies (I used carrots and sweet potato).  The rest of the recipe was pretty healthy as well, not a lot of fat or sugar.

And you already know what happened.  He ate it... and loved it.

Maybe you are saying, "So what's the problem?"

Well, in my upcoming book FIERCE Integrity: A Course in Living Your Truth, there is a section on the subject of intentional lying.  And that is exactly what this is.

In the book I suggest that people do a self-check in before consciously telling a lie.  I tell them to ask themselves, honestly and with Integrity:

"What is my intention?  Is it to do no harm?"

Obviously my intention here is to do what I feel is in the best interest of my son.

I will let you know how some of the rest of the "experiments" turn out.  (I have already screwed up the sweet potato pancake recipe - they all came out raw in the middle).

Despite the failed pancake attempt, I am celebrating the cupcakes.  For now, I am calling this one a win.

If you have any insights/ideas on this topic, I would love to hear them!

M.

Ok, one more photo... saw this on Facebook and it was too cute not to share:

Yoga: Part of my path to healing

Yoga is one of the most beautiful things that I 'do'.  It has helped me to heal my mind, body and soul in so many more ways than I could have ever imagined.

I came to yoga 12 years ago, attracted to it purely for its apparent physical benefits.  An avid runner at the time, I was floating from injury to injury, training for race after race, and often finding myself laid up on race day.  I also played volleyball and worked out at the gym regularly.  And yet, I wasn't healthy.  Not really anyway.  Around that time, I weighed about 140 pounds, and I was extremely dissatisfied with the state of my body.

Me at 21

Looking back, this negative body image began when I was quite young, around the age of 12.  For some reason, I began to believe that my body should look different than it did.  I began to compare my body with those of the other girls around me, and eventually, I came to see myself as fat.  The odd thing is, that at the time, this couldn't have been further from the truth.  Looking back, I wasn't even remotely fat, and yet, that is what I saw when I looked in the mirror.

Me at 18

The more I believed this lie, the more deeply it became ingrained, and I found myself at war with food. The relationship between food and my body continued to de-volve, eventually leading to purging behaviour.  I knew that what I was doing was wrong, that it wasn't healthy, that it was destructive, and yet, I proceeded to do it anyway.  I was ashamed of this behaviour and therefore kept it hidden, and yet on some level it gave me such an extreme sense of satisfaction, a sense of control.

While I managed to leave the purging behaviour behind at the age of 20, the thoughts that caused it in the first place were still firmly in place.

It has taken me 20 years to heal these thoughts.

I won't go in to the drawn-out details of this journey here (if you want to know more, it is in my book which will be available sometime this spring), but what I will tell you is this:

In order to change the thoughts that I was having about my body and food, I had to admit them, first to myself and eventually to others.  It was only one year ago that I finally got at one of the 'darkest' thoughts that I was having about my body ('I am gross').  Since that time, I can tell you that this thought is gone.  It isn't true and it never was.  Yoga has played a huge role in healing that part of the story.

The interesting thing is (and this is the mind-body connection in action for you), when I healed my mind (aka changed the thought), my physical body responded in a way that it never had before.  Today, my body is the healthiest that it has even been... literally.  In fact, I had a check-up with my family doctor the other day b/c he wanted to be certain that everything was 'on track'.  My doctor has been with me every step of the way on this journey and he wanted to be sure that my weight loss over the past year was the result of new and healthy behaviours instead of old, unhealthy ones.  And fair enough.  I am glad that he is looking out for me.

The results speak for themselves.   Since the purging behaviours began I have struggled with anemia - at times so severe that I required subcutaneous injections of iron into my backside (this is not an enjoyable thing, trust me).  So, when my doctor found out that I now eat a mostly plant-based diet, he was understandably concerned and asked me to have some blood tests done.  I am delighted to be able to say that all is well.  In fact, my numbers are amazing.  What's more, my BMI (body mass index - in my opinion a great indicator of overall health), is the best that it's been since I was in high school.  To give you an overall idea - the healthy range for BMI is between 18.5-24.9.  For years (including when I was running and working out), my BMI was around 23-24, and even crept up past 25.  Now?  It is at 21.

Now, I know that yoga isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok.  What is not ok is telling yourself destructive stories, thoughts ranging from overly critical all the way to down right cruel.

A lot of people enjoy a healthy mind-body connection.  They don't obsess about their figure, their weight, their reflection in the mirror... but the truth is, a lot of people do.

This post is an invitation.  An invitation to look past the reflection in the mirror (and if you enjoy your own reflection, then look past the reflection of the physical appearance of others).  Our physical appearance?  It isn't real.  It isn't real because it isn't permanent.  What's real is what lies beneath.  The truth of who we are.  We are not our bodies, and yet our bodies are an amazing tool that we can use to express our deeper selves.  They are vessels.  Conduits.  And they are worthy of gratitude, love and care.

Today, this is how yoga Serves me.  It allows me to express the 'me' that lies beneath.  The real me.  The shiny me.  Yoga has become an expression from my soul.

Me at 33 (present)

The above picture makes me laugh.  In August of 2011 I posted this entry, talking about how 'yoga is my skinny jeans'.  Funny thing is?  I am actually wearing my 'skinny' jeans in the above picture.  Ha!

Much love to you and many Blessings this Holiday Season!

Maren xo

PS: Stop by tomorrow for more yoga love... in honour of Winter Solstice 2012 and FIERCE Friday, I am going to be sharing another yoga video.

FIERCE Friday: A mother's love

I want to tell you a story.  It isn't my story, it is Wendy's story, but it has one that has lived in my heart since the moment I met this amazing woman.

Wendy and I went to University together.  No, not the first time around, the second, so we have known each other for oh, about 6 years.  I met Wendy and her husband Michael in one of my classes.  We hit it off immediately and enjoyed many coffee dates over the next two years.  One of the things that Wendy and I had in common was that we were both 'mature' students.  Well, I don't know how mature we were, but we were definitely older than most of our classmates, by a few years anyway.  We were both married and enjoyed a fairly stable relationship with our respective mates.  That was why, when she unexpectedly found out that she was pregnant towards the middle of our last year, she was delighted, ecstatic even.  I shared in her excitement (I had a bit of baby-brain myself at the time) and much of our conversation centred around her burgeoning belly.

When she lost the baby, on the morning of a final exam no less, she was understandably devastated.  I was sick for her.  I felt so helpless.  I had had a miscarriage as well, about 10 years previous, but I knew that it wasn't the same.  She and Michael were desperate to become parents, this baby was so very wanted and so very loved.

Another trait that Wendy and I share is that she wears her heart on her sleeve.  She was very open and honest about her feelings, and from what I recall, it made some of her friends a bit uncomfortable.  In my own life, I have had a similar experience when bearing my raw emotions openly.  Our society seems to back away from vulnerability.

A short time later, I found out that I was expecting Chephren.  This was a slightly unplanned pregnancy as well but we were completely ecstatic.  Over the moon.  I was bursting with joy and excited to share my news with the world.  When we started telling our friends, my heart sank.  Wendy.  How the heck was I supposed to tell her?  I so desperately didn't want to hurt her, however I knew that I had no other choice but to tell her the truth.  She deserved to know and I wanted to tell her in person.  We went for lunch, and when I told her she was happy for me, although through her smile I could see her pain.

Right after we graduated, Wendy and Michael moved out to Chilliwack, BC to take teaching jobs.  Wendy and I stayed in touch, mostly through Facebook.  I was so glad to see her and Michael starting fresh, hoping that this would help with the healing they so badly needed.  I secretly hoped that they would get pregnant again, and soon!

Some time later, she found out she was pregnant again, and because I was finding out on Facebook, I knew that she was confident that this pregnancy would stick.  It did 'stick' and I watched her belly grow and her whole being glow through the pictures that she shared.  Around the time her baby was due, I was checking regularly to see if her miracle baby had made her way into the world yet.

When I found out about Luka, I was completely shocked and utterly devastated.  Trent and I held each other and cried for them.  For Luka.

Luka was born with a rare genetic chromosomal condition, Trisomy 18, and lived only three days.

I won't tell you what has happened since then, because if you are interested, you can read about it on Wendy's blog.

Part of Wendy's journey has been to share her story.  In my opinion (and YES, I know that this isn't the path to healing for everyone), Wendy's ability to stand in the truth of her story and share it with others is a tremendous act of SERVICE.  When we are suffering, so many of us believe that we are all alone, that we are the only ones.  In her darkest hour, Wendy reached out towards the light and in doing so, she has invited others to follow her back to the light as well.

I hope that you can see now why I chose Wendy to be featured on FIERCE Friday, however, the other part of this story is FIERCE as well....

You see, Wendy is pregnant again.  She has made it official on Facebook (no doubt a good sign).

To me, there is nothing more FIERCE than this act of surrender.  She has made herself completely vulnerable... again.  To some small degree, I can relate with this sense of vulnerability... as it is created simultaneously with the child itself.  As soon as you conceive a child, your heart is open, it is exposed.  You will forever walk around with a piece of your heart that lies outside of you, because it lives on in your child.

And it is SO worth it.  And yet as a mother I can tell you that it is BRAVE, it is COURAGEOUS, it is FIERCE.

Thank you Wendy, for sharing your story, for sharing your life, for sharing your journey.

So much love to you, Michael and that amazing child in your belly.  I can't wait to meet him/her.

The first edition of FIERCE Friday

It's official.  It's FIERCE Friday.  What the heck is that?  Good question.

Since I started the FIERCE Integrity Project, I am often struck by the FIERCE acts of others.  What qualifies as a FIERCE act?  Well, I would say anytime a person decides to stand in their truth.  Those times where you drum up the courage to show the world a teeny tiny bit more of who you really are.  Those times when you are truly and authentically being honest with yourself and others.

Over the past few weeks, a fellow blogger - Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing has been exceptionally FIERCE.  He has used his blog as a forum from which to come out of the closet as a bisexual, starting with this post.  Since then, he has posted several times on the topic, each post more RAW and VULNERABLE than the next.  If you haven't read these posts or heard of Dan, check him out, he is mega talented and now one of my FIERCE Integrity Champions!

As far as I'm concerned, vulnerability is a major way in which one can be FIERCE.  While Dan's posts have haunted me somewhat due to their dark nature and my own struggles with my shadow, they have also inspired me beyond measure.  My own journey into living with FIERCE Integrity has also felt a lot like 'coming out of the closet'.  Not in the sexual sense, but it has been similar in that I have allowed the world to start to really see me exactly as I am.

I know that I have spoken about this before, but my journey into living with FIERCE Integrity has involved writing a book.  In the first part of the book, I tell my story.  I own my past as mine and I don't leave much to the imagination.  In my book I 'spill the beans' on many of my personal details: from a miscarriage, to my struggle with an eating disorder, dealing with depression, and my recovery from a near-suffocating sense of self-loathing.  It was a difficult story to tell but a powerful one and a truly essential part of living my truth.

Recently, I have found a home for my book.  It will be getting published!  I am very excited to be sharing this book with the world.  More details to come as it moves on through the production process.

For now, I leave you with an invitation.  Have you been FIERCE lately?  If so, PLEASE SHARE!  I would love to feature your story on this blog and have inspiring FIERCE Friday posts every week!  If not, why not?  What is holding you back from shining your light into the world, from being who you truly are?

Let's get FIERCE!

So much love!
Maren

Makeover

Have you ever had a make-over?  A 'new do' for a 'new you'?

I have.  Yesterday in fact.

Yesterday, I walked into my favourite Salon and said 'let's do this'.  I got my hair cut.... short.  Probably 8-10 inches shorter.  I got my hair coloured... haven't done that in probably 5-6 years.  So yeah, I would consider that a make-over.

You might be wondering, why the new look?  Well, that is a good question.  You see, I am currently in the process of evaluating everything... not only my appearance, but my wardrobe, my office space, my business, my website, and yes, my blog.  You could say that I am in the process of 're-branding' myself, of 're-branding' my business.

I have talked a lot on this blog about change and about personal transformation.  And while a lot has shifted and changed on the inside, so far, it doesn't look a whole lot different on the outside.

The problem is, the gap is ever-widening.  The 'me' inside, the one who I have been transforming into and the one who I call the 'real me', is getting ready to shine, to show herself to the world.

I feel like a brilliant shining flower inside, encased in a protective, layered shell.  For a long time I felt like needed the protection (and I can see now that it served me well), but lately I have been working on removing that hard outer shell so that my light can shine through.

How about you?  Are you different on the outside then you feel on the inside?  What is stopping you from shining your inner light out into the world?  Oh, I know it's scary.  I've been there, heck, a lot of the time I am still there... but I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

If this resonates with you but you aren't sure where to start, remember this:

The REAL you is so much better than the person you think you should be...

It is my mantra for personal transformation!

With love,
Maren

PS: Here's a sneak peak of the new do:

*Just* Another Four-Letter Word

As a very articulate almost-four-year-old, Chephren seems to have a gift for gab (no doubt that he got that from his mother, and yes, it can be a gift to be a talker, ok?)  He has also assigned himself with the distinguished role of 'word police' in our house - meaning that if he catches anyone (and I mean anyone) in earshot using any of his 'forbidden' words, namely the words 'dumb' and 'stupid', he will call you on it until you acknowledge the error of your ways.  He is freaky good at it.  You can be in the next room having what you think is a semi-private conversation and accidentally slip one of those words into your conversation and he will come charging in - making sure that you are brought to justice.  Drop in a few f-bombs however, and he won't even flinch.  Funny stuff, and hey, I said he was articulate, not a rocket scientist.

Another four-year-old characteristic is wanting to know the 'why' of these 'rules'.  In other words, I had better be able to come up with a good reason for why these words aren't allowed.  Fair enough.  I told him that these words aren't really that productive.  They aren't very descriptive.  There are better words out there to help convey your thoughts and feelings than these.  He seemed to think this was a good reason and, satisfied with my answer, we now find ourselves strictly monitored by an almost-four-year old.  I am ok with it.  I know that it won't last forever.

Living with a card-carrying member of the word police has helped me to get even more present with my speech.  If you have read any of the material on FIERCE Integrity, you will know that this is a big deal for me, in fact, it is one of the 'Big 3' sections of the full course (coming out soon, I promise).

This business of 'non-productive words' has gotten me thinking about similar words.  What other words do we use that really aren't productive?  One word that jumps forward when I ask this question is the word 'just', and I am not referring to 'just' as in 'justice'.  I am referring to the word 'just' as in 'I was just calling to' or, 'It was just the one time', or 'It will be ready in just a few weeks'.  When used in this fashion, using the word just is to casually understate the thing that it is describing, and what if that 'thing' is you?

Back in high school, there was a boy who was interested in dating me, let's call him Romeo (basically to ensure that you know I made it up and yes, I am aware that this is a really lame and self-indulgent track that I am taking and no, I don't care).  During this time, this boy would often call my house and ask to speak with me.  If I wasn't home (and I frequently wasn't), he would leave messages either with my parents or on the machine.  The messages varied from day to day, but they inevitably contained the phrase 'It's just Romeo calling'.  Hmmm...  Is it me or can you hear him already dismissing the possibility of me ever phoning him back?

I did phone him back, but we never did end up dating.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  But you can never know for sure.

The point is, words are one of most powerful tools we have access to.  When we speak, we are essentially calling forth the reality that we would like to create.

How present are you with your speech?  Do you use any words thoughtlessly?  What words do you use that are perhaps 'less than' productive?  (Another word that jumps forward here is the word should).

Who gets to be the word police in your life?

MareBare xo

P.S.: Interested in reading another person's take on this 'four-letter word'?  Check out this article that talks about the harm of using the word 'just', especially in business settings.

The results are in (there's an opportunity in here somewhere...)

Recently I was over at Postpartum and Pigtails, a wonderful blog written by a mom and Postpartum survivor, and I was particularly inspired by this post about 'Things I'm Afraid to Tell You'.  Andrea's bravery and willingness to be unbelievably vulnerable has inspired me to 'come clean' about a few things that are currently present for me as well.

Two days ago, I admitted to the world that I had written a book and even entered it into a publishing contest.  I titled the post 'Coming out of the writing closet' because that is kind of how it felt.  It felt vulnerable to share this information because of the potential consequences (read: FEARS).  What if the book doesn't do very well in the contest?  What if it doesn't even make it into the finals?  What would become of the book?  What would become of the project?

Since I submitted the manuscript at the end of September, I have been wrestling with this fear of failure.  I told myself that if I didn't really tell anyone about the book, it wouldn't really matter if it didn't do well in the contest.  For the most part, this worked, I was able to push the book and the contest from my mind and go about my business.  Then, for whatever reason, I woke up on Monday and decided to post about the book and the contest both on my Facebook page and on this blog, praying that the Universe would have my back on this one and 'reward' my bravery and vulnerability.

The Universe has my back alright, starting with the fact that I didn't need to wait until Friday (as expected) to find out if FIERCE Integrity made it into the finals.  I will save you the suspense.  It didn't.

And yet I know that all is well.  Everything is working out for the best.  And that in this situation there lies an opportunity.

To be honest, I don't know what I will do with the book.  I need to spend some time with it and check-in with my intentions for it.

Right now, I think the opportunity here is to love myself more.  To show myself more compassion than I have ever been able to show myself before.  

So, while there is a voice inside of me that feels less than or lacking, that feels it is 'not enough', there is also a voice inside of me that KNOWS it's not true.

TRUTH: I tried my best.  I literally could not do any more than I did.  And it is enough.  I am enough.

And for the record: this is what living with FIERCE Integrity is all about.

Much love,
MareBare

PS, I am pretty sure that Bungee Jumping was easier than all of this.  If you missed that video and you need a laugh, check it out.

Out of the writing closet and into the world...

I love the writing process... sometimes.  I recently wrote a nonfiction book, a book about living with FIERCE Integrity.  The book is in two parts, the first part tells about my own personal journey into living with FIERCE Integrity and how the whole concept came about.  The second part is the extended version of the course - living with FIERCE Integrity in thought, word and deed.  I submitted the manuscript to a publishing house contest on September 27th.  October 19th (FRIDAY) I find out if it makes it into round two.  

This morning, I am truly enjoying a luxurious ‘working’ morning.  Chephren is at preschool and I am sitting in the local coffee shop with a hot cup of tea in hand, clicking and clacking away on my laptop.  

If you are an avid MareBare blog follower (all three of you!), you may have noticed somewhat of a decreased presence on the blog over the past few months.  This is partly due to the book... after all, I set out to write 50,000 in less than 6 weeks (!), but it is also because my writing process has completely changed.  

If you were to sit down with me and ask me about writing the book, I would probably laugh and first respond with ‘actually, the book wrote me’.  What I mean is, I really feel that I was only a channel or a vessel for the content that came forward.  The best way that I know how to describe it is to say that I needed to ‘get out of the way’ in order for that book to be written.  I have heard other writers and artists describe the creative process in a similar way.  Your best work comes forward when you step into the ‘flow’.  

Which brings me to the true topic of this blog post.  Lately I have been trying to write on the blog and keep it current but every time I sit down, I have been experiencing writer’s block!  Remembering the experience of writing the book, this morning I have decided to simply sit down and write on whatever is present, whatever comes forward.  I am taking my own advice and simply getting out of the way.

The Universe has been kind enough to honor this intention and when I sat down to write this post, this quote popped up on my screen:

If someone prays for courage - do you think God gives them courage or the opportunity to be courageous?

If someone prays for patience - do you think God gives them patience or the opportunity to be patient?

I had written it down a week or so ago after watching the movie Evan Almighty with Chephren (it is a super cute family show if you haven’t seen it, in which Steve Carrell plays ‘Noah’ - as in Noah’s Ark and Morgan Freeman plays God). 

The quote above is said by Morgan Freeman and it struck a chord so I wrote it down.

What I love about ‘co-creating' with the Universe is the synchronicities that are so often associated.  For instance, the above quote is so very relevant today.  After submitting that book a few weeks ago, I was delighted to not have to think about it anymore.  This morning, for whatever reason, I woke up with FIERCE Integrity on the brain... counting sleeps until Friday morning.  Learning patience.  

And yet I know not to wish my life away.  I have four whole days of living to do before the fate of the book is learned.  The funny thing is, I know that it will be exactly what it needs to be.  I am totally at peace with any outcome.  And yet I am so very curious...

What are you learning today?

Shanti, Om

MareBare

2012: Year of the Dragon - We're Halfway!

What a whirlwind the past few months of been.  It has been a time of great change in my life.  A time of great transformation.

On some level, I must have seen this coming.  Back in November 2011, I wrote a post called 'The Winds of Change are Blowing'.  Um, ya think?!  And I didn't even know the half of it back then!  Blow they did and they just keep on blowing!  Actually, somedays I feel as though I am living in a hurricane!  I take great comfort in knowing that at the centre of the hurricane lies a space of calm and peace - the 'eye' of the storm if you will.  I have experienced both elements of this 'storm' over the past 6 months, both the fury and power of living in the vortex and the stillness that lies within its core.

Can you relate?

Back in March of 2010, before any of these changes became so apparent, I wrote a post about 2012 - and the 'End of the World as we Know it'.  I really have to laugh when I look back on my relationship with this concept.  10 years ago, I was gripped with fear about the state of our world and where I felt we were headed.  2 years ago when I wrote this post, I can see that the lightbulb was coming on and my awareness had started shifting away from fear and now today, I am living in that time period that I once feared so deeply.  From the eye of the storm, I am watching the shift that is taking place in all three realms of my consciousness: body, mind and soul. And let me tell you, is it ever cool!  What a gift to be alive in this time of great change on our planet!

So here we are, about halfway through the year 2012, the year of the Dragon (a Water Dragon to be more specific).  Ironically (not really though), in Chinese mythology the Dragon is a symbol of transformation.   There is that word again.  Transformation.  Have you ever sat with that word and fully considered what it means?

To be transformed literally means to change forms.  It is to be FOREVER CHANGED.  In other words, there is no turning back.

This past weekend I was blessed with the tremendous privilege of participating in the Wise Woman Solstice retreat in Nordegg, AB, as part of the Essential Life Series.  Led by (and including) the amazing healer Sarah Salter Kelly, eight women came together to hold sacred space for one another in order to facilitate personal transformation.  True to form, we were blessed by both of the Water Dragon's elements: water and fire to assist us in this process.  And yes, I am forever changed.

This experience helped me to release some things that were no longer serving me, creating space for something new to arise.  It gave me a glimpse of what is next on my journey.  But more than anything, it re-affirmed the importance of simply being me.

Being me in the face of fear.  Being me despite the risk of it being uncomfortable for me or someone else.  Being me because it is simply too much work to try to be anything else.

This is what the FIERCE Integrity Project is all about.  It is about getting at the truth of who you really are, and then deciding moment to moment to live from that place of your truth.  This space of truth is the eye of the storm.  This is the place of peace that exists within all of us.  And in this time of great transformation, the time is now.  The getting is GOOD!  You get to decide if you would like to get caught up in the fury of the storm, or find the centre and hold on.

How are you going to ride out the storm?

Much love to you on this amazing journey,

MareBare