Contraction

I have an addiction.

I am addicted to feeling good.  To having lots of energy.  To laughter.  To play.  To the feeling of a light and open heart.

When I feel like this, I feel as if I could do anything.  I feel like I am home.  I feel like I AM all that I can be, or at least well on my way there.

When I don't feel this way, I feel like something is wrong.  I feel like I am broken in some way.  And I resist it.  I fight it.  I struggle against it.

I once heard Marianne Williamson compare the experience of "waking up" to giving birth.

This comparison allowed for powerful imagery within me, allowing me to readily identify with it.  In my journey, I have often found myself heading forward, accelerating towards the light and all of the possibilities that might live there.  This is the part of the journey that I live for, it is what feels good to me.  This forward movement, this expansion, it is what feeds my addiction.

And yet we know that this is not how birthing happens.  No baby just slides its way out into the world in one effortless burst forward--and if it does happen this way, it is a rare occurrence!

Instead, what follows every forward burst, every expansion, is a period of contraction, where the baby actually moves back into the womb, retreating into the dark.

This contraction phase is everything that the expansion phase is not.  It is subtle.  It is quiet.  It is slow.   It represents the "yinside" of life, of the human experience.

According to the Tao, every single thing must fall into balance.  Every.  Single.  Thing.

This means that with every "expansion" that I experience, there MUST be a period of contraction.  Of low energy.  Of tranquility.  Of solitude.

And I am in this phase of contraction, with no where else to be but in it.

I want to stop craving the light, but I haven't.  Not yet anyway.  Wondering if I ever will.

For now, I am learning to be even gentler with myself.  Even softer.  I am looking for ways to honour this phase.  A quiet walk outside in the dark after dinner.  Allowing myself a deep stretch with a yin yoga practice.  Allowing my husband to step in and help out.

Grateful that this too, shall pass.

xoxo M.

50 Things I Love About Me

Ok.

I am uncomfortable with my last post.  Not uncomfortable enough to remove it, because as I have talked about here and here, discomfort is likely a good thing.

But then my own "inner coach" stepped in and started to explore/self-analyze this situation.  Oh great.

And what did my inner coach suggest?  She suggested that I actually follow through with the "50 things that I love about me" list.  Oh brother.

When I started to think about this exercise, I thought, "No problem.  I love me, this'll be easy."  But driving home from preschool this morning, I started to think that it might be harder than I thought.  So, here it is.  Bear with me, I might be grasping at a few straws along the way.

Photo Credit: Jody Goodwin

50 Things I Love About Me:

1. I already shared with you the "quick at getting ready thing", so it is first.  (Oh man, am I grasping already?)
2. My taste in clothes.  I love wearing colourful, if not a bit zany, clothing.  
3. My willingness to look inwards (most days, I am more than willing to do this, other than today, which is what brought me to making this list in the first place).
4. My ankles/feet.  They look great in beautiful shoes.
5. I am a great cook (most days).  
6. I have a pretty good sense of humour.
7. I love to talk (and mostly, I love that about me)
8. My ability to be honest, with myself and others (although as you know by now, this is an ever-unfolding and deepening journey)
9. My resolve.  When I really want to do something, I generally don't quit until I have sorted it out.
10. My smile.  Crooked teeth and all.
11. My eyes.  They are windows right into my soul, and they are usually shining with mischief and delight.
12. My relationship with words: both written and spoken.  I like that I can access a variety of ways to express myself.
13. My readiness to get excited about stuff.
14. My sensitivity to energy.
15. My ability to reflect.
16. My ability to be be Grateful.
17. My ability to Manifest.
18. My commitment to myself and my family.
19. My desire to be of Service.
20. My yoga practice and everything that it entails.
21. My ability to focus on something and get it done efficiently.
22. My punctuality.
23. My belief in myself and others.
24. My ability to listen to my intuition and my willingness to act on it.
25. My ability to see other people's gifts and unlimited potential.
26. My ability to reframe ideas.
27. My creativity.
28. My willingness to forgive.
29. My willingness to indulge in self-care.
30. My willingness to honor where I am at in all of this.
31. My cute little tummy.
32. My ability to fall asleep easily and peacefully.
33. My ability to ground myself and self-soothe.
34. My (usually!) positive outlook on life.
35. My willingness to be uncomfortable and stretch myself.
36. My willingness to try new things.
37. My inherent curiosity about people, places, things.
38. My respect for sentient beings.
39. My playful, inner child.
40. My ability to learn new ideas/concepts quite easily.
41. My ability to write multiple choice exams.
42. My willingness to be silly.
43. My sense of accountability.
44. My willingness to be vulnerable.
45. My physical health.
46. My tattoo.
47. My independence.
48. My typing speed (Ok, starting to grasp!)
49. My voice: ability to speak.
50. ALL of the skills that allow me to do what I love (coaching, yoga, writing).

That wasn't so difficult after all.

Interestingly, while I love these things about me, I know that they aren't who I am.  My true essence, who I AM, is what remains when all of these characteristics fall away.

It is an interesting thing to be human.  To know that you are spiritual being having a human experience.  To walk in both worlds, both human and Divine.

My last post was very human, and in no way does it mean that I have forgotten who I AM.  I haven't.  I am simply honouring my humanness, my imperfection, my present truth.

What do you love about you?  About your human manifestation?  Can you come up with 50 things?  Think it's easy?  Great, then I CHALLENGE YOU!!!

 xoxo M.

Evolution

I looked down at myself today, not at my body, but at my 'me-ness'.  I took a long hard look at what it is that makes me who I am.

I am changed.  Life has changed me.  I am no longer the me who I used to be.  Actually, it would be more accurate to say that in fact I am more of me than ever before.  More whole.

I had a chat with a friend today about control.  Needing to control life and the events that come our way.  I hate to break it to you, but control is a complete illusion.  An idea that we have manifested in order to bury our fear.  Our fear of being out of control.  Our fear of being afloat on a sea of chaos.

A lot of the changes that I have made in my life, both unconsciously and consciously, have been to let go of these fears.  To release the illusion that I am in control.  To allow it to be what it needs to be.

It is difficult to put into words how profound of an impact this process has had on my life.  I have been chipping away at this fear-based belief system from which I used to see the world.  Somehow, somewhere along the way, all of these small changes converged, resulting in a big change.  An irreversible change.  Transcendence.  I am no longer the me that I used to be.

How do I know this?  By being brave enough to peer into the mirrors of those around me.  Everyone that you surround yourself with is a reflection of who you are.  When I look around with me honestly and with Integrity, and with an open heart, I can't help myself from grinning like a fool when I think back to how far I have come.

And I love it.  All of it.  This journey through life is truly and utterly amazing.  It is so filled with GRACE.  And there are always more changes ahead, more lessons to learn.  This is what it means to evolve.

Bring it.

Much love from my open heart to yours,

MareBare

2012: Year of the Dragon - We're Halfway!

What a whirlwind the past few months of been.  It has been a time of great change in my life.  A time of great transformation.

On some level, I must have seen this coming.  Back in November 2011, I wrote a post called 'The Winds of Change are Blowing'.  Um, ya think?!  And I didn't even know the half of it back then!  Blow they did and they just keep on blowing!  Actually, somedays I feel as though I am living in a hurricane!  I take great comfort in knowing that at the centre of the hurricane lies a space of calm and peace - the 'eye' of the storm if you will.  I have experienced both elements of this 'storm' over the past 6 months, both the fury and power of living in the vortex and the stillness that lies within its core.

Can you relate?

Back in March of 2010, before any of these changes became so apparent, I wrote a post about 2012 - and the 'End of the World as we Know it'.  I really have to laugh when I look back on my relationship with this concept.  10 years ago, I was gripped with fear about the state of our world and where I felt we were headed.  2 years ago when I wrote this post, I can see that the lightbulb was coming on and my awareness had started shifting away from fear and now today, I am living in that time period that I once feared so deeply.  From the eye of the storm, I am watching the shift that is taking place in all three realms of my consciousness: body, mind and soul. And let me tell you, is it ever cool!  What a gift to be alive in this time of great change on our planet!

So here we are, about halfway through the year 2012, the year of the Dragon (a Water Dragon to be more specific).  Ironically (not really though), in Chinese mythology the Dragon is a symbol of transformation.   There is that word again.  Transformation.  Have you ever sat with that word and fully considered what it means?

To be transformed literally means to change forms.  It is to be FOREVER CHANGED.  In other words, there is no turning back.

This past weekend I was blessed with the tremendous privilege of participating in the Wise Woman Solstice retreat in Nordegg, AB, as part of the Essential Life Series.  Led by (and including) the amazing healer Sarah Salter Kelly, eight women came together to hold sacred space for one another in order to facilitate personal transformation.  True to form, we were blessed by both of the Water Dragon's elements: water and fire to assist us in this process.  And yes, I am forever changed.

This experience helped me to release some things that were no longer serving me, creating space for something new to arise.  It gave me a glimpse of what is next on my journey.  But more than anything, it re-affirmed the importance of simply being me.

Being me in the face of fear.  Being me despite the risk of it being uncomfortable for me or someone else.  Being me because it is simply too much work to try to be anything else.

This is what the FIERCE Integrity Project is all about.  It is about getting at the truth of who you really are, and then deciding moment to moment to live from that place of your truth.  This space of truth is the eye of the storm.  This is the place of peace that exists within all of us.  And in this time of great transformation, the time is now.  The getting is GOOD!  You get to decide if you would like to get caught up in the fury of the storm, or find the centre and hold on.

How are you going to ride out the storm?

Much love to you on this amazing journey,

MareBare

The Importance of What ISN'T

Lately, I have taken a bit of an interest in Taoism.  I am not sure exactly how or why this has crept into my consciousness, but it has, so I guess that I will just go with it.

One of the ideas in the Tao Te Ching that really got me thinking is the idea of what is NOT.  In my existence on this planet, thus far anyway, I have focused a lot of my attention, maybe even all of my attention on what IS.  In other words, the tangible, physical objects that make up my day to day reality.

Lao Tzu talks about the clay making up the pot and the materials that make up the house as examples of these physical realities... and I think that we can agree, that these things (in other words, what IS), are important.  But have you ever considered the importance of what IS NOT?  For instance, the space created by the materials that make up the pot -- isn't that space actually what makes it useful and gives it its essence?  Don't we actually live in the space created by the materials that make up our home?  And yet, these spaces are what ISN'T.

If it helps, think about it in terms of yin and yang.  You really can't have one without the other -- you need both to make up the whole.

How many other 'IS NOT's' can you think of?  Probably many... after all, there are essentially an infinite amount of them.  One that I would like to draw your attention to though is the 'IS NOT' of you.  Your body well, that is the 'IS'.  What then, would be the 'IS NOT' of you... that which we could call your essence?

What?  Are you waiting for an answer?  I don't have one for you - but if you sit with it for a bit, you might be able to come up with one on your own.

We pay a lot of attention to what IS in our lives... especially our bodies and our material belongings.  And I am not saying that this isn't valid - of course it is!  However, I am suggesting that what we have been focusing so much of our time/energy on is only HALF of the equation.

Can you expand your thinking to include the other half?

My brain hurts just thinking about this, but hey, that means that I am expanding right?

Marebare xoxo

For your reference, the part of the Tao Te Ching that I am referring to here is Chapter 11:


The Uses of Not


Thirty spokes
meet in the hub.
Where the wheel isn't
is where it's useful.


Hollowed out,
clay makes a pot.
Where the pot's not
is where it's useful.


Cut doors and windows
to make a room.
Where the room isn't
there's room for you.


So the profit in what is
is in the use of what isn't.


(From Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching ~ An English Version by Ursula K. LeGuin)

Getting right to the heart of things...

I want to share a story with you.  It is the story of a healing that I experienced not that long ago.

As you most likely know by now, after my son Chephren was born, I experienced postpartum depression.  And blah, blah, blah I don't want to rehash this part of my life on here all over again, but it is relevant to the healing story so bear with me.  The interesting thing is not the fact that I had the depression, but WHY I had the depression.

You see, for the past year or so I have been on a journey.  A journey with no 'real' destination per se, but one that is taking me deeper and deeper inside myself.  It has been an exploration of self, a self-inquiry if you will.

This journey has had many facets and faces, one of which was looking deeper into the depression.  What I discovered was that the thoughts/ideas that were leading to my depression pertained to my perception of my abilities as a mother.  In other words, the thoughts/beliefs that I was telling myself went something like:

• I am not a good enough mother - my son is so wonderful that he deserves so much better
• I can't do anything 'right' when it comes to parenting
• Any 'mistake' I make will 'wreck him' for life!

And a whole other host of negative-speak, judgements and put-downs.  I wanted to be the 'perfect' mother -- but my idea of perfection at the time was nothing short of ridiculously unattainable!  I looked at every single 'challenge' (having a C-section, difficulty breastfeeding) as evidence that I was failing as a mother.  

Through the self-inquiry process I came to identify these thoughts, was able to admit to myself (and now to the world!) that I was having them and then 'poke holes' in them.  Once I said them out loud, I began to see how preposterous and destructive these thoughts were.  I began to replace them with more neutral thoughts at first (well, maybe I'm not such a bad mom after all, it could be a lot worse) and eventually to more positive thoughts... and this is where the healing story comes in.

Back in February, I spent the weekend with some dear friends in Nordegg (in a place where the energy in an of itself is healing, but that is another story).  We spent two luxuriously long days walking through the forest, sitting in meditation, soaking in the hot tub, laughing and visiting.  

During one of the meditations, I found myself connecting with the hearts of those people who were nearest and dearest to me and 'feeling what it would be like to be loved by me' if that makes any sense.  In other words, I was able to connect my heart with Chephren's heart and truly felt what it would feel like to be loved my (this) mother's love.  Boy was I surprised by what I found: the joy and love in my heart nearly exploded!!!  I began weeping tears of joy and a deep sense of relief washed over me.  I felt lighter, and more peaceful than I have ever felt before.

I realized right then and there that as long as I was loving my son with all of my heart and authentically doing the very best that I could in each and every moment that I couldn't go wrong!  I mean of course I am going to make mistakes and he is still going to continue pushing my buttons (he is THREE after all!), but at the end of the day, our relationship is perfect just the way that it is.  

Do you have any relationships in your life that bring you stress?  Can you take a look at the thoughts surrounding those relationships and identify any negative-speak or judgement?  Can you begin to change the story in your head about those relationships?  

It might seem trivial, but for me, it has helped to bring about a profound shift in my role as a parent.

I wish you all light, love and healing in all of your 'troublesome' relationships!

Marebare xoxo

Everything is Perfect

I have been a source of annoyance and nuisance as of late for my family and friends because I have discovered a new use for an old word: perfect.  I used to loathe this word... viewing it as something that I always aspired to be but always fell short of.  Actually, at one time this seven letter word had such power over me that I believe it almost single-handedly pushed me into the pit of post-partum depression -- as I 'failed' and floundered miserably in my attempts to be a 'perfect mom'.  So yes, when viewed that way, the word perfect can indeed be seen as quite insidious and even destructive.

Lately however I have developed a new kind of relationship with the word perfect... and I have come to see everything in the light of perfection!  Confused by this?  Astonished?  Maybe even a bit angry?  Good!

Let me explain...
When I say 'everything is perfect' what I mean is just that.  Everything (yes, everything) is just as it should be -- even those situations and circumstances that you deem and judge to be 'bad' or even 'horrible'.  You see, I believe that we all come here with a Divine Purpose and with a need to experience certain aspects of humanity.  Some of these aspects of humanity are fabulous, however others are less fabulous... maybe even perceived as dark or evil.  Now, here is where the concept of perfection kicks in: 'It is not the experience itself that really matters, it is WHAT WE CHOOSE TO DO WITH IT.'

People all over the world have suffered (indeed are likely suffering) through unfathomable atrocities.  Admitedly, the amount of pain and anguish that we are capable of inflicting and experiencing as the human race is incredible.  With that being said, the human capacity to love and forgive is even more incredible, even more powerful.  It would seem that the greater the level of suffering, the greater the opportunity to teach and to heal can emerge.  Here are some examples that come to mind:

• People who were held captive and suffered atrocities at the hands of their kidnappers who emerge on the other side with the capacity to FORGIVE and move on with their lives.  Amanda Lindhout, Jaycee Dugard, James Loney (to name only a few of many)
• People like my brother Ben, who have disabilities and/or continue to struggle with health difficulties each and every single day and use their disABILITY and personal challenges to teach, motivate and INSPIRE others.  Erik Weihenmayer, Nick Vujicic, Stephen Hawking (again, to name only a few)

Nick Vijucic

Ben McConnell

The stories are endless.  There are thousands of them. 

If this post resonates with you, phew, that was certainly my hope and intent.  If, on the other hand, you are angry by this post, that is perfect also.  In fact, I have been wanting to write this post for quite a while but I was afraid. Afraid of making people angry. Afraid of being 'so bold' as to advocate for acceptance and forgiveness of any/all situations given that my personal life story has been one of relative ease compared to most.  Despite all of this, I am keenly, even painfully aware of the level of suffering that continues to exist in the world -- the 'dark' face of our humanity if you will. However, rather than accept it or turn a blind eye towards it, I am choosing to shine light on it. I believe that hatred, fear, anger, vengenance, rage, etc. only breed more of the same -- feeding the cycle of negativity and giving it the energy to continue without end.  Love, on the other hand, cultivates acceptance, forgiveness, joy, and hope. 

Still angry? Maybe this anger is a sign.  It could mean that you are ready to take a look at your own life.  What story from your past are you holding on to?  What experience(s) are you allowing to negatively impact your life?  Who do you have to forgive in order to move on and let the love and light back in?  How could you use the experiences from your past to teach and inspire others?  Can you begin to imagine what could be possible? 

With much love,
Marebare xoxo

Got Buttons?

Have you ever had someone 'push your buttons'?  If you said no, you are either a highly evolved, enlightened being or completely in denial!  The reality is, that most of us get our buttons pushed on an almost daily basis.  Your boss ticks you off, your child draws on your sofa, your husband complains about the dinner you spent hours making... sound familiar? 

I can only speak from personal experience, but my tendency in the past was to blame 'the other'... the situation/person that was the causing me to be miserable.  Even better, I wanted to complain about it/them to someone else -- you've heard the saying 'misery loves company'. 

Over the past year, I have begun to pay attention to all of the button-pushing happening in my life and I have come to see each and every instance as a gift.  Yes, you read that correctly, I said gift!  Now, before you get all 'up in arms' at me about this, hear me out.

I have come to understand that when someone/something is pushing my buttons, that it an opportunity to look inside myself and ask a very important question: WHY?  Why is this pushing my buttons, what is it in me that I need to look at/heal in order for this to not bother me anymore?  This *shift* in thinking not only allows you to take back your power (you fully gave it away as soon as you started blaming the other person), but it allows you to 'do the work' on your personal journey. 

Sound crazy?  Maybe.  But then again... maybe not.  It's worth thinking about though, wouldn't you agree?

Peace and love,

Marebare

Week 2: Days 7-13

Day 7: Brad the Shaman

Yes, I see a Shaman and by the way he is AMAZING!  I had a session with him yesterday at Unique Perceptions in Spruce Grove, which was a real unexpected treat as he had moved away to Victoria this summer.  Due to some unforeseen circumstances, Brad found himself back in the area and I jumped at the chance to see him again.  Each and every time I see Brad a get some powerful insights about my life and about my spiritual evolution and path.  He will often do energy work on me as well as some journeying which I find to be super insightful.  The session also helped me to integrate and make sense of a lot of the experiences that I had in Nordegg.  Thank you Brad for the selfless work you do and for committing your life to one of SERVICE.  I am humbled and grateful.

Day 8: Eoin Finn's Vinyasa Earth Puja & Shane Philip

Back in October, I had committed to a weekend yoga workshop at Lion's Breath Yoga with Eoin Finn.  Then, when I found out that we were moving this month I went back and forth (and back and forth) about the decision to cancel my registration or not to cancel my registration.  After much deliberation, I decided that I needed to go.  And WOW, am I ever glad that I did!  It was a great workshop that ran both Friday night and Saturday during the day.  Friday night (and Day 8 of my project) was especially blissful.  We discussed a 'branch' of yoga philosophy that totally resonated with me and moved, flowed, sweated, meditated and shared energy with one purpose in mind: Puja (or offering) to Mother Earth.  It was magical.  Then, on my long trek home on the dark, winter roads, I CRANKED Shane Philip's EarthShake album and ROCKED OUT!  By the time I got home I was so full of bliss that I literally could not keep it from flowing out of me!  (Not that I would want to hog it all to myself anyway!)  The real gift or lesson here? (apart from these two amazing beings who helped me to make this happen)  Knowing that by filling my OWN cup, I can help to fill the cups of everyone around me!  Thank you Eoin and Shane :)

 










Day 9: My parents

EcoCatLady said it best: "I also think you should consider yourself extremely lucky to have parents that you actually WANT to be near".  Isn't that the TRUTH?  If you have been following along of late, you will know that my parents have made the move off the farm into town.  We now live about a 20 minute drive from each other... and after living next door to them for 6 years I have to say that it feels like an ETERNITY away!  Much too far.  Luckily it is only for a very short time.  We will be about a 2 minute drive away from them in only about a week's time, when we finally make the move into town.  What's so great about them?  Um, EVERYTHING?!  They are our best friends!  They are so much fun to hang out with, they are super loving, accepting and helpful, they treat Chephren as if he was their own child (in a good way!), and make our lives better in every possible way.  Do I know that we are beyond fortunate to enjoy this type of relationship with them?  Absolutely.  Do I say it enough?  No.  So, mom and dad/grammy and grampy: THANK YOU from the botton of my heart and soul.  I love and appreciate you to the moon and BACK! 

Day 10: The PURGE begins

I have discovered something about myself... I actually like to get rid of stuff even more than I like to receive it.  Hmmmm.... Since this is a blog about receiving gifts... do you think that my gift for today can be getting rid of my excess?  How is that for a mind-bending thought?

Day 11: Depression day

For the first time in this project, I had to work hard to see the gift in anything today.  I mentioned in an earlier post that I have been battling with depression for most of my adult life (but especially since having a child) and I still have some 'dark days'.  Today was one of those days.  The gift of this is that it literally only lasted one day... I have such a good handle on what my depression looks like, feels like and where it's going that I can actually take myself out of the downward spiral before it even begins. 
Day 12: You're not going to believe what I did today

Today I feel grateful that it isn't yesterday :)  Is that allowed?  I don't care because it's true.  Aside from the gift of a new day, I received a lot of other gifts today.  This (even to me) sounds a bit odd, given the fact that I was out Christmas shopping and buying gifts for other people instead of the other way around.  I should start off by saying that I don't normally do this (like, pretty much ever).  I generally don't 'do malls', I try not to 'do consumerism' and I prefer it that way.  Normally, I handmake most of my gifts and/or support local farmers/artisans and buy all things handmade and local.  At the very least, I try to stay out of the big shops and buy from all of the little businesses in our town.  Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but my goal is to stick within these parameters.  This year, I didn't totally 'blow it': I bought a lot of my gifts in Maui at local craft fairs, and of course, I stocked up at the local potter's guild when I got home, but I definitely had to buy more 'stuff' than usual to finish off my list.  Soooo, today, on December 20th, that meant going to the mall (sigh).  Rather than beat myself up about it (which is totally like me), I decided to phone up my sister and recruit her to help me.  Not only did she help me, but I actually had FUN (shhhhhhhhhh!  Don't tell anyone!)  She is a great gift-buyer (I skill that has always eluded me) and our trip was purposeful, efficient and actually enjoyable.  (I can't believe that I am confessing all of this on a blog that began as a project designed to AVOID SHOPPING ENTIRELY!  I completely understand if you think that I am a sell out and delete me from your reading lists!)  Before you do though, just read this one last thought: What I am really grateful for is the fact that I CAN do this.  I know how very fortunate I am to be able to go and frivolously/freely purchase gifts for my loved ones without even a care in the world.  This is an insanely huge privilege/luxury (aka GIFT) that I do not take for granted.  Thank you Universe for the tremendous amount of ABUNDANCE in my life and may I continue to find new and creative ways of sharing it with others...

Day 13: The Abundance continues, aka the glass is way MORE than half full

I don't know if I have talked about his before, but I have 8 parents.  (Just think, if I were a reality-tv-show star I would be 'octodaughter', oh man, that was a lame one, this time of year must be getting to me!).  I know, I know, you're thinking, 8 parents?  What the heck is this girl talking about?!  So here it is: My biological mom and dad divorced and both re-married (that's 4)... then, I married a man whose biological parents did the same thing (except for his dad, but 'septodaughter' doesn't sound as cool!).  So, Trent and I both have: A mom, a dad, a stepmom, a stepdad, a mother-in-law, a father-in-law, and I have a step-father-in-law and he has a step-mother-in-law.  Plus, Trent's dad does have a partner so it really does make 8.  You with me so far?  Now... close your eyes and picture this... Christmas with 4 DIFFERENT FAMILIES (and all of their families) EVERY.  SINGLE.  YEAR!!!  Did your brain explode?  Mine nearly does.  For 2 weeks of each year, our lives take on a whole new level of crazy.  Don't get me wrong, I love our families, they are wonderful, kind and generous.  Generous being the key word.  Each gathering involves a huge meal at someone's house (or in my aunt's case - she pays for ALL of us to have a nice meal out together because there are too many of us for one house!), and of course, tons and tons of presents.  We have had several gatherings so far this season, and the 'receiving' is well under way.  Again, this is normally something that I REALLY struggle with but this year, I am deciding to reframe it and simply feel grateful for ALL of the gifts I receive.  Thank you, thank you, thank you Universe for blessing me with more loving family members than I know what to do with (and all of the wonderful craziness that goes with it!)