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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Seven Plus One = Eight

Today is my (our) 8th wedding anniversary.  Normally this is a date that passes by literally unnoticed, forget about the acknowledging it with the traditional 'hoopla' of gifts, cards, etc.  We are not about the hoopla.  We just aren't. 

This year is different.  I am celebrating.  Heck, I am even telling the world via this blog and random people who I ran into today (read: anyone who made eye contact with me). 

I know what you are thinking: what's the big deal... after all, it's not like '8' is some magical number or a big milestone that 'most' people celebrate.  The big deal here is that we (or rather our marriage) has had a tough year.  So tough in fact that more than once we tossed around the 'D' word (and no, I am not referring to Dessert or Debacle or Debate).  No, this 'D' word comes with lawyers, and custody arrangements, and a whole lotta misery from what I have been told.  So yeah, tough year. 

With that being said, by some miraculous gift from the Universe (and a whole lot of work from both of us Hasse's) we have made it through the year and honestly things are better than they have ever been.  EVER.  I don't know what Trent would say about this (and we will likely never know because he still insists on not reading this blog), but he is getting steak for dinner and I KNOW that he is happy about that.  Men are so much easier to please than women ;)

So, here are my 7 + 1 'tips' on staying together or making it better:

1. Love Languages.  I read the book 'The 5 Love Langauges' by Gary Chapman.  Learned 'em, used 'em, they worked... enough said.

2.  You get what you expect.  If you are expecting the other person to react a certain way, they almost certainly will.  This is kind of like the Law of Attraction in action.  Change your expectations -- for the better, change the entire conversation.

3. See the other person as a gift.  This one is hard, like really hard -- especially when they are STOMPING on all of your buttons -- which of course, they do best because they have the advantage of knowing what all of them are!  This is where true, authentic unconditional love comes into play. 

4. Be clear on what it is that you DO want.  This is related to number 2.  For example, I made out a list for myself about my marriage entitled 'Won't it be great when'... and then I wrote out exactly what I wanted it to look like.  6 months later?  I am enjoying exactly the kind of relationship that I wrote down.

5.  Make time for each other.  I know, I know, this one should go into the 'duh' category... but this is free advice after all ;)  Seriously, make the time.  It's important.

6.  Take time to fill your own cup -- BOTH of you.  If your cup isn't full, you are no damn good to anyone else.  Balancing time for you, time for each other, time for family and time for all of the other things in our lives can be tricky, but it is totally doable.  We can all make a little more time for the important things in life... even if it means a few less hours per week on Facebook or watching TV.

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Marriage is hard!  I am not sure why we are under the impression that 'we are the only people in the world with problems', but I assure you, you aren't.  The more I opened up about some of these issues, the more 'normal' I felt about them, and the more ideas/strategies I had to deal with some of them.

8.  'A family who plays together, stays together'... this quote works for couples too.  Plan for some FUN in your time together.  Laugh, dance, play, sing!  Whatever floats your boat (and theirs) is fair game.  This will help you to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

And THAT is my two cents...

I hope that your relationship is making you happy if you're in one and that you will find love very soon if you're not...

Marebare xoxo

P.S.  I made him read this one... just in case!  Communication is KEY!


  1. Love you lots, Maren. You are my inspiration!!!

  2. I am so proud to be your mom - surprise I'm a loyal follower. I love you lots and lots.

  3. Followed a picture of a fractal to your blog. I've been reading for 1hr and tears are welling up in my eyes. Your words and your friends and family's comments are so "real" and touching. Definitely can relate to much of what you say! Great work!

    1. @ Anonymous, thank you for your kind words! Namaste to you and your family! xo